Magic Realized and Other Poems on the Human Spirit by Louis Alan Swartz

You are much more beautiful than you ever imagined.

You are wiser, more compassionate and of greater use than, in many cases, you have been taught to believe. Your dreams matter. Your personal pursuit of happiness matters. You matter.

You are an immortal spiritual being. You have a unique, personal magnificence. It is my viewpoint that poetry is a concentrated and direct language with which that special wonder that is you can be addressed and drawn out.

This book is about your capacity to love; to be amazed and astonished. It’s about the unacknowledged grace that you possess. It concerns your native potential to create.

This book was written with the purpose of communicating to the untapped magic inside of you; the special personal artistry that belongs to you.

My intention in writing this book was to speak to the miracle that is you.

Much Love,
Louis

“Louis Alan Swartz writes beautiful and meaningful poems about life, death, immortality, spirituality
and living … he often touched me deeply with his sentences. I had tears in my eyes while I was reading…
I read these poems all in one sitting, I was completely spellbound and loved every single one of them.” --
Suze Lavender, Reviewer

“...when I find poetry that I like, it tends to stay with me. Such is the case with this book. It is filled with
moving poetry that you can relate to, and understand, and truly feel. Filled with beautiful imagery and
positive energy, these poems paint a picture in the mind’s eye …You will easily find comfort from the
poems on these pages.” —Angela Gibbs, Reviewer

“The reason why I never fully grasped poetry is clear now after reading Louis Alan Swartz—I was reading
the wrong kind. This is my kind of poetry…because the poetry is written in a way that I can read it and
understand.” —Phetra Novak, Reviewer

“This may be an anthology of poems—but it is also the manifestation of life—the beautiful journey of life—
from all perspectives and from all angles. It is a saga of that immortal soul.” --Jayasre Roy, Reviewer from India

Amazon Link

Review: Wow, what a wonderful collection of poetry! It doesn't matter who you are, there will be work in this book that hits you hard and affects you emotionally, but in a very uplifting way. Once you've read it, you'll want everyone you know to read it too! 5/5 stars, highly recommended.

Lottie Loves Sample

I held the tears in until lunch time, however difficult it was. They were always there, on the brink of coming out, but I had my pride...and that was all I had left. Not only was Joe not treating me like his girlfriend, he was completely ignoring me. I smiled at him from across the room the first moment I saw him, but he turned away and continued talking to his friends.
At least he had the decency to blush at his terrible treatment of me—not that it made me feel much better.
Emily chased me into the bathroom and begged me to tell her what was wrong. I made up some story about a fight with my mum, just to get her off my back, but I couldn't hide the pain from myself. I’d never considered heartbreak as anything more than an emotional pain before that moment, but there was a physical pain racing through my chest and down into my stomach, as if everything was being torn apart.
How the hell was I supposed to carry on knowing that I could have had you, you’d actually given me a chance, but somehow I’d blown it?
The torture wasn't going to just continue at school either, I couldn't even get away from it at home. His entire family were coming around for dinner, and I would have to at least attempt to act like everything was normal if I didn’t want to be swarmed and bombarded with endless questions. Deep down, in the part of me where my fantasies lay, the ones that I wouldn’t admit to anyone, I’d believed that we would finally make the announcement to our families tonight about us. I assumed that as soon as I stepped into school, all of my self-doubt and fears would be shot down, that Joe would reassure me that everything was fine...yet here I was, in a worse state than before.

27^th May 2007

I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be around him. Things were hard enough when I was experiencing unrequited love, but now I know that I could have had it back, but I haven’t, and I have no one to blame for that other than myself.

It broke my heart all over again to read and run my fingers over those words. Of course, I was wrong to be so worried, to be so freaked out about Joe’s reaction, but I wouldn’t learn that until much later on in the evening.
“I can’t come down, mum,” I groaned, faking an illness as I lay in my bed. School had been torture. There was no way that I could do through all of that again. I just needed to be alone. Knowing that he was downstairs would be torture enough, being around him was unthinkable.
“Well...okay, if you’re sure,” she murmured, slightly disbelievingly at me. “I will come and check on you before the Davies come, to see if you’re any better.”
“I won’t be, mum,” I told her, a little more firmly this time. To highlight my point, I gripped tightly onto my stomach and let out a small groan. “I just need to sleep. I would prefer to be left alone.”
But as she left the room, finally giving me the peace I so desperately needed, sleep was the last thing from my mind. My heart was thundering painfully in my chest, anxiety and sadness was coiling through my veins, I felt wide eyed and panicked, and that had no chance of going until he was gone.
All those looks I’d snuck at him throughout the day, just to see him looking the other way, all those tears I’d shed in the toilet, just to see him laughing and joking with his friends as if he had no troubles in the world—I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to forgive him.
At least, I hoped I wouldn’t. Deep down I knew that all I wanted was for him to take me in his arms and to tell me that everything would be okay. I was pathetic and needy for him, and much as it pained me I felt like it would always be that way.
I could hear everything clearly, from the moment Joe’s family entered my home, to the last. I was aware of them chatting over drinks in the front room, I heard them moving into the dining room to eat, I even heard Marie leaving early when the adults remained to have a few more drinks.
Then someone thundered up the stairs, and much to my horror I heard a knocking at the door. I sat bolt upright in bed, lightly rubbing the wetness from my eyes. All the panic that had been flowing through me before became sheer terror, bolting everywhere, damn near sending me insane.
“Who...who’s there?” I asked, fully knowing that it would only be one person. Marie was gone, and our parents were drinking. In my mum’s mind I was probably long forgotten. It was Joe, finally coming to face me, way before I was ready for it.
“It’s me, Lotts, can I come in?”
Just his voice, that was enough to have my cold veneer melting. I did feel shame for how easily I could forgive him, but there was nothing I could do to stop that. “Yes,” I finally replied morosely, forcing myself to sit around to face him. “Come in.”
Guilt was written all over his face as he slunk into my room. He reminded me of the times we would get in trouble when we were kids, and how he seemed to go in on himself, just to attempt to stop his mother yelling at him. It didn’t ever work, but it sort of was with me, I couldn't keep the smile from my lips.
“I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting, Lotts,” he finally met my eyes, pleading with me. “I just...I didn’t know how to react, it’s all a bit sudden.”
Not to me! I thought, but of course I didn’t say that aloud. I simply nodded silently as a reply, willing him to go on, needing him to tell me everything.
“Last night, it was...”
He perched on the end of my bed next to me, and as a cold icy sensation trickled up and down my spine, it took all that I had not to scoot away from him. Don’t say it, I begged telepathically. Please don't say what I think you’re about to.
“I know, it was a mistake,” I finally spat out, unable to take the tension. Plus I felt like if I said it first it would seem like I wasn't bothered either, and if Joe was about to break my heart I at least wanted to save face. “Let’s just...just forget it...”
“No, no,” he grinned widely, sliding his body closer to me. “No, that wasn't what I wanted to say at all.” He sighed deeply, while I sucked in and held a very deep breath. What the hell was going on now? “I just wanted to say that our parent’s might freak out if they found out about us. Plus everyone at school.” He wasn't saying it aloud, he was trying to tactfully skate around it, but I knew what he meant. We were from different social circles now; he was at the top of the ladder and I was at the bottom. I probably should have been offended by that, but I didn’t even give it a second thought, I was simply waiting desperately for what he was about to say next. “So, maybe we should...keep hanging out in secret?”
Oh. My. God.
I soared higher than air, feeling like everything was finally right with the world again. Joe wanted me, he really did, he just didn’t want any pressure adding to that. Maybe he was right, maybe that was what had destroyed his past relationships, maybe it would be better for both of us. I quite liked the idea of a secret relationship anyway, something that would be there, just for us.
“Okay,” I nodded, finally allowing a big grin to spread across my lips. “Yeah, I like that plan. Keep us a secret.”
He let out a breath that I hadn’t even realised he was holding, before pulling me in for a hug. As my head rested on his chest, all the negativity that had been controlling me all day long simply melted away. It made sense for this to be an easier transition for me—I’d been wanting it forever. It no longer mattered that it would take Joe that much longer to adjust, I didn’t care, he was mine now, and that was all that mattered. We were forever, I just knew it, so what did it matter how we began? With our whole lives ahead of us, this part of us would eventually become insignificant.
I’d been in love with Joe for so long that it was insane, but now it was real. It was substantial, because he was in it too. It may have been confusing, but all of that was worth it, just to have him love me back.

27^th May 2007

So, it turns out all that worry was for nothing. Joe snuck up for a quick chat after dinner and we really cleared the air. We’re going to be together, but keep it between us just for now. Then, just before he left, Joe lightly pressed his lips up against mine again in a way that felt incredible.
Our first kiss might have been a little...weird, but this one blew my mind.
Everything is solidified now. We’re going to be just fine.

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Lottie Loves by @SamieSands

“Will you marry me?”

Four words I’ve waited my whole life to hear. Four words I was sure would change my life forever…and they did. Just not in the way I expected.

Finding out my extremely gorgeous rock star boyfriend was about to propose had the complete opposite effect I thought it would. Rather than catapult me into a future I’ve always wanted, it plunged me back to a past I tried to forget.

Now I can’t get him out of my head. I can’t help but wonder what could have been, how our lives would have ended up if he didn’t leave me behind, a shattered mess.

All these memories are dangerous. They’re bringing my past back to ruin my future. And worst of all, they’re taking me right back to him, my childhood sweetheart, my first love…my biggest regret.

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Mythical Books: there are still a few who are... Not Dead Yet (AM1...

Mythical Books: there are still a few who are... Not Dead Yet (AM1...: The world is divided as everyone tries to work out how to survive. Many have already lost their lives  in the fight, but there are sti...

Lottie Loves Release Day!

MY NEW NOVEL, LOTTIE LOVES, IS RELEASED TODAY!!

EXTRACT…

The phone rang shrilly, completely knocking me out of my nostalgia trip. With my heart still racing from the shock, I rushed down the stairs, amazed at myself for getting sucked in so easily. After avoiding the past for so long, I was a little stunned at how quickly my mind went right back to it, without even considering the implications of that. I’d unlocked the box inside my brain, and I wasn’t sure if there was any way of going back now.

“Hey babe.” Danny crooned into the phone, in the chocolaty sweet voice that I loved so much. Although this time, hearing his voice didn’t make me feel safe and special, it sent waves of guilt crashing through my body. I felt like I’d been betraying him by just thinking of Joe. “Our show last night was amazing!” He continued, completely oblivious to my internal turmoil. “I wish you could have been there.”

“I don’t think your adoring fans would appreciate that.” I smiled warmly to myself, trying to push my other thoughts aside. I needed to focus on him and what he was saying to me, because I never got very long to speak to him. I didn’t want my worries to affect the short time that we had together.

I was so happy for Danny and the way that Jax had become so successful. I knew how much they deserved it and how hard they’d worked to get there. There was only one member of the band who had let the fame go to his head—their lead singer Craig, but he was always a bit of a knob anyway, so it wasn’t much of a surprise. As the drummer, often hidden at the back of the stage, Danny had a few less admirers than the rest of the band, but that wasn’t to say that there weren’t a few dedicated groupies just for him!

“Anyway, I think we’re in Cardiff tonight so I won’t be able to ring you until tomorrow okay? Oh hold on…” I could hear his muffled talking, which meant that he obviously had his hand over the receiver. I couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed, couldn’t he spare just one moment for me without being dragged back into band stuff? Normally I didn’t mind, and I was really understanding, but today I felt different. Dragging up my past had made me uncomfortable and unsettled, which unfortunately I was taking out on him. “Got to go babe, we have some promotion party thing to go to. Love ya! Bye.”

“Work is going fine thanks, yeah I’m good…” I muttered angrily into the dead receiver, slamming the phoned down. I loved Danny to bits, but I felt like this was a moment that I really needed him to just speak to me and pay me some attention, and I was irrationally angry because he hadn’t gotten my telepathic  message about that.

Or maybe I was just looking for an excuse for what I really wanted to do. Maybe I was looking for a reason to stomp back up into that attic and to continue looking through my memories. I knew what I was doing was wrong—it certainly felt like deception at any rate—but I had no intention of stopping. Especially not after that phone call!

It was done, and I needed to know it all now. I wouldn’t be able to rest until I’d uncovered everything. I already knew that there was no way that I could sleep until I’d gone through all of the secrets hidden away up there, and I was forcing my guilt to subside to get me through that.

Sighing as I sat back down, I flicked through the rest of the photographs in the box. There were literally thousands of us growing up, it was as if our parents couldn’t bear to let a second go by without catching it on camera. Joe’s sister sometimes featured alongside us in the pictures, but she was only an outsider really—everyone else was. No one was invited to our little clique, and that was the way we liked it.

It was all quite causal and sweet to look back on, until in one of the boxes I found my diary, which that changed everything. Even the atmosphere in the room changed as I ran my hand over the silky front cover, just knowing what lay inside…

I quickly scanned my eyes over the first few pages and the posts that were only bitching about my mum, because I knew that soon enough I started to talk about Joe—really talk about him—and for some reason, I wanted to explore that. I wanted to go back to that awkward time in secondary school when there was an obvious shift in our friendship—not that he seemed to notice of course!

12th March 2006

Why not me? Why never me?

It was always just me and you Joe, so why did that have to change?

I miss primary school when you didn’t you notice anyone else.

Damn it, when did it start to hurt to see you look at other girls?

I gulped down a ball of emotion that lodged firmly in my throat as I read my teen-angst filled words. The feelings of jealousy that I felt back then flooded right through me once more, which sent me to the edge of unease.

Seeing Joe with anyone used to drive me crazy with jealousy, to the point where I thought I might go insane. I’d go hot and dizzy, nauseous if he even smiled at another girl. Yet with Danny—a bona fide rock star with gorgeous fans dripping from his shoulders—I didn’t feel bad about that even once. If anything, I was always pleased for him to have women chasing after him. It meant that he’d really made it.

What did that mean?

Did that mean that I didn’t love Danny as much as I had Joe? Or that I trusted him more? I wasn’t sure, and it was making my head spin. I stood up, feeling light-headed and very sick, before staggering back down the stairs and into natural light. But not without bringing the diary with me. Now that I’d read that information, I felt like I needed to know more, to work out how I really felt about my life right now.

I’d always assumed that I was happy, but was that just a trick that I was playing on myself to help me move on with my life? To help me get over losing Joe?

Sure, Danny was absolutely gorgeous, and he was lovely too, but did that really make him the man for me? Did that really mean that I should marry him? It wasn’t even like he was the man that I’d admired from afar anymore because we had a real bond and connection. We were really in love…or so I thought.

Urgh, what the hell was wrong with me?

I padded into the kitchen and grabbed a half drunk bottle of wine, taking a swig without even thinking. My heart was pounding and my mind was reeling, so much so that I felt like I wasn’t even in the room anymore.

In the end, I poured myself a glass of the wine, trying to at least behave normally, before sitting on the bar stool and reading a little bit more, digging in even deeper to the girl I used to be.

18th June 2006

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t.

This is the end of the world to me.

How the fuck am I supposed to move on?

21st June 2006

I’m so confused. Now you’re showing me all the attention that you once did, and I don’t know what to think about it. She’s still in the picture, and I can tell that she hates me, but when I’m in your sun rays of affection it doesn’t matter.

It’s when you leave and you’re kissing her that I go into turmoil.

I remembered feeling that way, so passionate and heartbroken that I didn’t even make any sense. That life felt like an unbearable rollercoaster that I couldn’t seem to climb off of. I recalled needing to get my feelings out and writing them down as the only way to do that, and now reading over those words once more, I felt like I was in the same state, that I was the same mess waiting for Joe to look my way once more. It was weird—I was now twenty-three years old and it was like I’d reverted back to a teenage girl all over again. Everything that I’d learned about life just melted away, and I became an insecure, neurotic puddle all over again.

I sipped the wine, just thinking for a moment, trying to get a calm perspective on things, but instead my brain span back over my memories, dragging me back there once more…

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