Split Second by Douglas E. Richards

A stunningly unique take on time travel. The 27th bestselling Kindle book of 2017--out of almost 6 million titles.

What if you found a way to send something back in time? But not weeks, days, or even minutes back. What if you could only send something back a fraction of a second? Would this be of any use? You wouldn't have nearly enough time to right a wrong, change an event, or win a lottery.

Nathan Wexler is a brilliant physicist who thinks he's found a way to send matter a split second back into the past. But before he can even confirm his findings, he and his wife-to-be, Jenna Morrison, find themselves in a battle for their very lives. Because while time travel to an instant earlier seems useless, Jenna comes to learn that no capability in history has ever been more profound or far-reaching.

Now, as Jenna fights to defeat the powerful forces arrayed against her, nothing less than the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. . .

SPLIT SECOND is a roller-coaster ride of a thriller, one that will have readers pondering the nature of time, and of reality, long after they've read the last page.

"Richards is a worthy successor to Michael Crichton." (SF Book.com)

"Richards is an extraordinary writer," (Dean Koontz) who can "keep you turning the pages all night long." (Douglas Preston)

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The Driver by Mark Dawson

John Milton has started to hope that he might have a future.

He has a job driving a taxi around the streets of San Francisco. He has his anonymity and his solitude. Being invisible has become a comfortable habit. He doesn’t want to be found. But when a girl he drives to a party goes missing, Milton is worried. Especially when two dead bodies are discovered and the police start treating him as their prime suspect. Milton is a fugitive from the British Secret Service and a man in his position needs extra attention like he needs a hole in the head.

As unpleasant secrets leak out, and the body count rises, one thing is for sure. Milton might just be the right guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The Driver is a taut, nail-biting adventure which once again stars Mark Dawson’s irresistible hero, the maverick ex-MI6 assassin John Milton.


What reviewers are saying:

"It’s impossible not to think of Lee Child’s super-selling Jack Reacher. " - The Times

"A literary sensation." - The Daily Telegraph
"Dawson writes the kind of thrillers I love. Non-stop, grab-you-by-the-throat tales of doing the right thing no matter the odds. Simply excellent." - USA Today bestselling author Brett Battles


What Amazon readers are saying:

★★★★★ 'Move over Reacher and Bond!'

★★★★★ 'The characters are well written. The pacing is excellent.'

★★★★★ 'Strong, relevant and very cinematic.'

★★★★★ 'Dawson is a great writer, painting vivid pictures with his descriptions.'

★★★★★ 'Incredibly entertaining and fun.'

★★★★★ 'A slam dunk winner.'

★★★★★ 'Remarkable book!'

★★★★★ 'John Milton is three-fourths Jack Reacher and one-fourth John Rain and Mark Dawson reaches the sublime high level of character, story, writing and entertainment achieved by Lee Child and Barry Eisler.'

★★★★★ 'I am thoroughly hooked on Mark Dawson's writing. No dull pages, just smooth flowing lines from start to finish.'

★★★★★ 'Simply awesome.'

★★★★★ 'Mr Dawson doesn't pull any punches, leaving you to believe that anything can happen and no one is safe. Do yourself a favour and pick up this book now.'

More than 1m copies sold and 1000s of five star reviews. Available in digital, print and audiobook.

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The Atopia Chronicles by Matthew Mather

What could be worse than letting billions die?

In the near future, to escape the crush and clutter of a packed and polluted Earth, the world's elite flock to Atopia, a massive corporate-owned artificial island in the Pacific Ocean. It is there that Dr. Patricia Killiam rushes to perfect the ultimate in virtual reality: a program to save the ravaged Earth from mankind's insatiable appetite for natural resources.

Now in development as a new TV series, The Atopia Chronicles (Book 1 of the Atopia series) is the tale of mankind's dark slide across the apocalypse as humans and machines merge in a world teetering on the brink of ecological ruin.

 

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GirlZombieAuthors: June Reading List! #horror #zombie #anthologies #m...

GirlZombieAuthors: June Reading List! #horror #zombie #anthologies #m...: Yes, I'm late. Been busy working on a new idea! And, hey, summer is here. (Well, kind of. Been so cool, rainy  lately in the Midwest....

Dungeon Eternium by Dakota Krout

Unlikely allies uniting across the world. Blood feuds that span centuries. A single chance at life.

The world watches the sky with trepidation. The insanity of Xenocide knew no bounds, and all will soon suffer the effects he had planned for a millennium. Though none know what is to come, they all know it isn’t going to be easy to survive.

The Master has a plan, one that can give the world at large a way to escape the onrushing desolation. It may be on the bleeding edge of morality and what he needs might prove too difficult to secure, but The Master asks for trust.

Cal and Dale both have their role to play as the world hurtles toward destruction. One needs to bring the races of the world together while the other simply needs to survive. Surrounded by supposed allies, the duo will do all that they can to succeed—but with every new arrival comes rising tensions and faltering trust.

The apocalypse is coming. Will honor or greed stand the test of time?

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Swing Shift by William D. Arand

Reports to write, forms to fill, coffee to drink, leads to run down.

Gus’s life was a tedium and boredom he’d grown comfortable with. One that he sought out after he’d come back from his tour of duty.

A Detective in the Paranormal Investigations Department. A job he could work day in and day out in relative peace. One cold and forgotten cup of coffee at a time.

It was an environment that made some sense to him. At least in comparison to civilian life where almost nothing did. On top of that, it gave him a chance to hide what he was from the rest of the world.

An apex predator that made the entirety of the Paranormal world fear him. His very species was often killed as soon as they were found out.

By government and citizen alike

He’s a Boogieman.

A name that made humans laugh, and vampires curse. It was a strange life to be sure.

Now though, Gus’s stable non-life is about to be kicked over. Whether he likes it or not, he’s about to be handed a case that’s going to mess up his already screwed up life.

Warning and minor spoiler: This novel contains graphic violence, undefined relationships/harem, unconventional opinions/beliefs, and a hero who is as tactful as a dog at a cat show. Read at your own risk.

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Rebel Born by Amy A. Bartol #BestSeller

Roselle faces a mind-reeling showdown with the deep state agent controlling her psyche in the conclusion to the Wall Street Journal bestselling Secondborn series.
Roselle St. Sismode is many things: victim of a conspiracy, unwilling host of an ever-evolving mind algorithm, spy for a rebel army, and heir to the Fate of Swords. As a warrior, she’s also the anticipated main event at the Secondborn Trials. When the opening ceremonies erupt in chaos, Roselle is abducted by a sadistic agent with a diabolical plan: transform Roselle into a mind-controlled assassin to topple society. But a rogue scientist has implanted Roselle with a genius technology that is far more powerful. It renders her untouchable. Faster. Stronger. And maybe immortal.
With her enhanced abilities come the highest stakes yet, as Roselle confronts shifting realities at every turn as well as her own mother’s stunning betrayal. Racing against time with a determined resistance group, can Roselle overthrow the forces of destruction and reclaim the most valuable of commodities—her humanity?

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The Haunting of Ashburn House by Darcy Coates

People whisper rumors about a family murdered at Ashburn House. They say its old owner, Edith, went mad in the building, and that restless ghosts walk the halls at night.

When Adrienne arrives on the gothic house’s doorstep, all she has is a suitcase, twenty dollars, and her pet cat. She doesn't know why her estranged Aunt Edith bequeathed Ashburn to her, but it's a lifeline she can't afford to refuse.

Adrienne doesn't believe in ghosts, but it’s hard to rationalize what she sees. Strange messages have been etched into the wallpaper. Furniture moves when she leaves the room. And a grave hidden in the forest hints at a terrible, unforgivable secret.

Something twisted and evil lives in her house, and Adrienne must race to unravel the decades-old mystery… before she becomes Ashburn’s latest victim.


A USA Today Bestselling Novel.

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Within the Woods by Tony Urban

Don't go in the woods...
For 12-year-old Garrett and his four best friends, the idyllic summer of 1989 crashes to a halt when his older brother vanishes.
Something is very wrong in Sallow Creek, Pennsylvania.
Something is turning their neighbors, their relatives, into unstoppable monstrosities...
Monsters that are coming for the them.
Their small town is under siege, but the adults refuse to believe the truth. Can five young misfits and outcasts save the day?
For fans of Stranger Things, Stephen King, Stand By Me, The Goonies, etc. comes a thrilling new novel from #1 best-selling horror author Tony Urban. 
Read Within the Woods now because growing up has never been so scary.

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Gilchrist by Christian Galacar

Winner Best Mystery-Thriller — Writer's Digest 6th Annual Self-Published Ebook Awards

"Gilchrist by Christian Galacar is terrifying. Stephen King made his readers afraid of clowns, cars and so much more; Christian Galacar WILL make you afraid of small towns and memories!" - Charla White, WordsAPlenty

"If you like Stephen King or Dean Koontz you will like this story." - Sunny DuPree

"A genuinely scary book that I should not have read right before bed." - Dannielle Insalaco

Bag of Bones meets Stranger Things. . .

Gilchrist is as beautiful as it is terrifying — a novel of mounting suspense, with an unsettlingly human heart at its core. . . black as it may be.

Two years after losing their infant son to a tragic accident, Peter Martell, a novelist with a peculiar knack for finding lost things, and his wife, Sylvia, are devastated to learn they may no longer be able to have children. In need of a fresh start, and compelled by strange dreams, the couple decide to rent a lake house in the idyllic town of Gilchrist, Massachusetts, a place where bad things might just happen for a reason. As bizarre events begin to unfold around them—a chance encounter with a gifted six-year-old boy, a series of violent deaths, and repeated sightings of a strange creature with a terrifying nature—Peter and Sylvia find themselves drawn into the chaos and soon discover that coming to Gilchrist may not have been their decision at all.

Set against a small New England town in the summer of 1966, Gilchrist is a sinister tale about the haunting origins of violence, evil, and the undying power of memory.

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A Very Bad Year by Stephen Barnard

From the author of 'Corner House', a complete anthology containing twelve tales of suspense and terror, each one based on a month of the year. Whether you read them in sequence or are drawn to particular months, you'll never look at a calendar the same way again.

(Download also includes some bonus material)

Stories include:

JANUARY: 'Resolution' - Marie has decided to try and lose weight, mainly to appease her controlling husband. But as her efforts continue in vain, the side effects become more and more unsettling.

MARCH: 'Paddy' - St Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Now there's a man in Manchester with serpentine tattoos all over his arms, looking to make some new friends.

APRIL: 'Under The Bed' - Warren Slade is extremely house proud. But when things go awry during an Easter party in his back garden, he comes to realise that there are some home improvements that might just be impossible to make...

JULY: 'Senorita' - Neil isn't coping very well on the lads' holiday to Tenerife, and a day in bed might just be what he needs. But then the maid makes an appearance and gives him something else to think about.

SEPTEMBER: 'MOG' - Emily Davis was only doing what most parents did on the first day of school: posting a picture on social media of the children in their new uniforms. The problem is, you can never be sure who is watching, and what they want to share with you...

DECEMBER: 'The Last Present' - It's Christmas lunch at the Seymour house, and Declan is meeting Holly's parents for the first time. They're worlds apart in terms of wealth and class, and Dec is right to be a little nervous. But not in the ways he imagined...

ONLINE PRAISE FOR 'A VERY BAD YEAR':
'Every story is so different... keeps you wondering what the author will come up with next.'
'Good storylines... very believable situations.'
'Really captivating and very special.'

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Escape! by Iain Rob Wright

Brand new Horror novel from acclaimed author Iain Rob Wright. Can you figure out the secrets of "the room" and escape before it's too late?

Cheryl is about to learn that the people she works with are keeping a secret. One they are willing to kill for.

Cheryl is the new girl at work, which is why she feels like she doesn't have a choice when she's asked to go on a "company outing." She and six of her colleagues are to be locked inside a room with only their wits to aid them. If they escape in time, there'll be prize money. Fail, and the repercussions could be deadly.

Brand new chiller novel from Iain Rob Wright. Grab your copy of Escape! today, because everyone loves trying to figure out a mystery before the time runs out.

WHAT READERS ARE SAYING

An absolute wonderful read. Had me guessing from the beginning.

Excellent fast paced story with an unseen twist at the end.

WOW!!!... what another brilliant book which is truly horrifying and
twisted, this put's another twist to the meaning of "TEAM BUILDING" at
work.

Makes you wonder about the people you work with.

Escape! is one of the most unique, gruesome, and horrifying books I’ve ever read, and I loved every minute of it!

Great thriller with a lot of twists and turns. Kept me on the edge of my seat.

So intense I couldn't stop until I reached the end.

If you enjoy Stephen King or James Herbert, then you'll enjoy this book too.

Escape! Is scary because something like this could really happen and people are really that sick!

Escape! is so thrilling that I stayed up late and just kept on reading until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

You just can't put this book down, a real page turner.

Iain takes the latest popular entertainment experience "the escape room" and twists it turning it into another page turner, keeping you trapped in the pages until you escape at the end.

An intense joyride filled with a solid shock and awe factor that will keep you turning pages.

Spine tingling from the first line to the mind-blowing conclusion! A must read for thrill seekers.

Will never, ever, do an escape room after this!

A great read - excellent plot and another one to keep me up well past my bedtime!

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Living on Borrowed Time Sample

I read this whole book in one night, I just couldn't put it down. So why should you read it? Amazing writing. Emotive story line. Well-rounded and developed characters and an ending that had me smiling with satisfaction while I did a fist bump in the air. - WattMag
This isn't your ordinary love story...

Lara Rogers isn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to die over a year ago from a long-term illness, yet somehow she managed to make a miracle recovery. The only problem is now she has an endless future stretched out in front of her—one that she wasn’t expecting, and one that she has no idea what to do with.

After she got the positive diagnosis, she moved to the big city where she knows no one to become another anonymous face, but this life isn’t making her happy. In fact, she’s more miserable than ever.

An unexpected night out with a girl that seems to want to be her friend leads to all sorts of new experiences, including one that might even be love...

The only problem is Lara has spent so long not knowing who she is, that she doesn’t know how to act around all of these new people, and slowly things become increasingly difficult for her. She begins a negative spiral into self-destructive behaviour, sinking deeper and deeper until she isn’t sure that she can ever get out.

US: https://amzn.to/2HTSHpA

UK: https://amzn.to/30OfyLI

Sample...

I shouldn't be here.

No, not here, in the hot, sweaty kitchen of this rundown diner—although, to be honest, I highly doubt I should be here either.

No, I shouldn't be alive.

I was supposed to die eighteen months ago. That was supposed to be it for me.

I was ill for a very long time, so getting that final diagnosis of six months to go was as relieving as it was devastating. To be honest, my emotions about it were completely mixed. I didn't want to die necessarily—not that I think anyone does really—but I was so sick of the constant round of doctors, hospitals, tubes, pills, sickness...it was exhausting, and the thought of escaping that was something of a relief.

I just wanted an end to it.

Of course, not everyone felt the same. At least, not at first, but once my family and friends got used to the idea that I was dying, that I was going to be relieved of my suffering, they were intent on making my final months amazing, and boy did they succeed! I went travelling, I had parties, I did everything that was on my bucket list—except bungee jumping. I bottled that at the last second. It was fabulous, a real whirlwind of fun and excitement. Of course, there was the odd interruption with my health, but somehow we managed to work past that. Sure, we were all acutely aware of where it was heading but it didn't taint the mood. Not really.

"Lara what are you doing just standing there? I pressed the bell about five minutes ago...these burgers aren't going to take themselves to table twelve." The grumpy head chef, Alfie yelled at me. He didn't care about my internal struggle. He had no idea what it was like to know that you should be dead. All he cared about was getting this disgusting, fatty food out as quickly as possible so he could return home, to his sad middle-aged man 'bachelor pad' to smoke and drink his wages away.

I snatched the plates out of his hand and stalked moodily over to the table, where a couple were sat there smiling intently at each other. This could have been their first date, or they could have been married for years—that wasn't what I noticed. It was the light that was shining in their eyes, as they gazed at one another. Happiness. An emotion I couldn't even begin to understand anymore.

I shoved the food on the table in front of them, asking them if there was anything else they needed in the flat, monotone sound that had somehow become my voice. They didn't even acknowledge my existence, they simply waved me away. I was nothing to them, just as I was nothing to everybody.

I'd been that way for a very long time now.

Once my deadline had passed, and the high started to wear off, I wondered what was happening, why I was still alive. Confused, I took myself to the doctors and after a whole range of invasive tests, they told me something unexpected, something miraculous—that I was actually starting to get better. Against all odds, I was somehow surviving.

I felt numb as he said those words. I know he expected me to celebrate, to be happy with the news that I would get to live longer, but I wasn't. I'd gotten so used to the idea that I was going to die. I'd even adjusted to it, become comfortable with it, that to hear otherwise was utterly overwhelming. I had become so used to living in the moment, not worrying about the future because I was never going to have one, that with a long, black emptiness stretching out in front of me, I felt terrified.

What was I supposed to do? I had no future, no dreams, no plans. I had no idea where I was supposed to go next, how could I? How was I supposed to craft a new beginning out of zilch? It seemed like a ridiculously impossible task, that I couldn't even begin to overcome.

Then again, I still had no prospects, no real education, no interests, no desires...nothing, and I no longer had any excuse for that. A year and a half had passed. There was so much that I could have done with that time, but I hadn't.

I'd done absolutely nothing with it, I'd merely existed.

Every day it hit me how I would have been better off dead. I might as well have died, because since my positive diagnosis I was just living on autopilot, going through the motions aimlessly.

My friends and family couldn't understand how I just seemed empty after I got the good news, and as I continued to improve, to get better, they got more and more frustrated by my increasingly negative attitude. One-by-one they became annoyed by me. I did something to piss all of them off and now, none of them bother with me anymore.

Not that I bother with them either. I feel like too much has passed; there's too much negative water under the bridge to even think about repairing those fractured relationships.

When my mum eventually asked me to move out because I was putting too much pressure on everyone else in the family, I left quickly and got an apartment in the nearby city. I couldn't stay in that little, suffocating town anymore, where everyone knew absolutely everything about me. I had no excuse to remain there anyway; it didn't hold anything for me anymore, except for memories and bad feeling. I desired to be anonymous so I could wallow in my own misery in peace, without anyone trying to cheer me up. I didn't want anyone else to feel responsible for my own happiness, when it was so clear that nothing could be done about it.

So I upped and left, without even glancing backwards.

I got everything that I ever wanted—a tiny, albeit grotty apartment that was just for me, a job in a diner where no one bothers to try and find out more about my life, and no one to speak to. Perfect.

Yet, of course, I still wasn't happy.

"Got much planned over the weekend? You have tomorrow night off, don't you?" Amy, the eighteen-year-old waitress, who was constantly chewing gum and nosing about in other people's business, asked me in her typical over-the-top fashion.

She didn't care about me of course, not at all. To her I was just another loser waitress, but she always tried to rile me up for some reason, and she quickly discovered that my non-social life was a sore point for me. I don't know whether I was just a game to her, if she really wanted to piss me off, or if she just wanted to make herself feel better by commenting on my sad existence. Either way, it drove me crazy.

"I dunno...not really." I kept my eyes fixated on the floor as I spoke, praying that she would take the hint and leave me alone.

"Why are you so boring? You never seem to do anything!" She laughed, genuinely thinking she was joking.

I looked up and smiled blandly at her, hoping that she would assume I took the joke in light humour, but the look she was giving me suggested that she might just be able to see the vulnerable weakling behind the cold exterior mask I gave myself.

The thought of anyone seeing any of the real me filled me with an intense fear that gripped tightly onto my heart, so I instinctively turned away from her, trying to discretely wipe the frustrated tears from my eyes before they fell onto my cheeks.

Idiot! I thought to myself. What the hell are you doing?

Hiding emotion was something I thought I'd become particularly good at, but with one look, Amy—a girl I barely knew—had managed to revert me back into a blubbering mess.

"I'm going out to that new club tomorrow night with a group of friends. Do you...would you maybe want to come?" She asked, with a kindness to her tone that I hadn't ever noticed before.

Pity. It had to be.

Normally, I would have shot her down right away. Even the thought of going to a club filled me with fear—the drinking, the dancing, the socialising...it all felt a little too much for some like me. I'd never really done anything like that before, and it was intimidating as hell. Even at all the parties that had been held for me, I'd avoided alcohol due to the medication, I'd been too tired for dancing, and socialising hadn't been too much of an issue because it was with people I'd known my whole life. Plus, my best friend Daphne had always been there to protect me if things got too much.

Daphne.

I instantly forced myself to shake the image of her from my mind, in the way I always did when she cropped up. Daphne was a no-go now, there was no point in even giving her a seconds thought. I didn't want to upset myself over nothing.

"Sure." I eventually replied, distractedly. I wasn't really thinking about my answer, I just wanted the conversation done, and it was a shortcut way to achieve that.

"Oh..." Amy sounded incredibly shocked—understandably so. "Okay cool. We're meeting up at about eight-ish so..." She looked at me strangely, as if she was wondering what the hell was going through my mind. "I'll see you there I guess."

As she wandered off, a sinking feeling set in. Why the hell had I agreed to that? I didn't want to go out to a club! Keeping my existence simple and straightforward was the only way I managed to get through everyday life. Now, I'd just agreed to something that threatened to send me into an anxiety meltdown, just to shut her up.

I was an idiot!

No, I would have to phone Amy tomorrow with a plausible excuse. I needed to get out of going. Disrupting my routine with something so terrifying could only have negative results. 

Lottie Love Sample

“Will you marry me?”

Four words I’ve waited my whole life to hear. Four words I was sure would change my life forever…and they did. Just not in the way I expected.

Finding out my extremely gorgeous rock star boyfriend was about to propose had the complete opposite effect I thought it would. Rather than catapult me into a future I’ve always wanted, it plunged me back to a past I tried to forget.

Now I can’t get him out of my head. I can’t help but wonder what could have been, how our lives would have ended up if he didn’t leave me behind, a shattered mess.

All these memories are dangerous. They’re bringing my past back to ruin my future. And worst of all, they’re taking me right back to him, my childhood sweetheart, my first love…my biggest regret.

US: https://amzn.to/2K5eIo1

UK: https://amzn.to/30K7oEa

Sample...

"Will you marry me?"

It was the words that I'd wanted to hear my entire life. Didn't every girl fantasise over the perfect man going to buy the perfect ring and getting down on one knee in the most romantic way possible, before telling them that they loved them so much, they wanted to spend the rest of their life with them?

I knew that I certainly had.

Me and my best friend Cici used to talk about it all the time. We used to plan our dresses, the music, the flowers—every part of the ceremony down to the very last detail. Of course, the man didn't really matter. We were young enough and naive enough to believe that we would magically meet the perfect man without even trying.

And I really thought that I had. I really, truly believed that my dream had come true.

Me and Danny had begun our love story in a very typical fashion—our eyes had met across a bar, where we'd had long, lingering eye contact, sparking all kinds of emotions within me. The only difference between my story, and that of every other rom-com ever, was that Danny was a genuine up-and-coming rock star, playing on a fairly big stage, and I was a fan who already felt a lot of love for this man. I'd been admiring him from afar ever since I first heard their album a year or so before.

I certainly hadn't expected it to ever go any further than that moment, so when he came and joined me at the bar later on for a drink, despite being mobbed by other members of the audience, I felt like my entire life had been leading me up to that moment. I felt like everything that I'd experienced was all drawing me closer to Danny, the love of my life. Here was a gorgeous man who was destined to be famous, and who could have any girl in the world hanging off of his arm, talking to me, asking me questions, and actually showing me interest.

It seemed like a dream—one that I was terrified to wake up from.

As he flicked his messy auburn hair from his warm, chocolaty eyes and he gave me that smile that had already melted the hearts of the nation, I thought for a dreaded, wonderful second that he was going to kiss me in front of all of those people. But after a few beats of pure terror, he didn't. Instead he handed me his phone number, and he asked if I would like to go on a date with him.

Me—boring old Charlotte (Lottie) Jones—on a date with Danny Boreom, bassist of the (now very) famous band Jax. It didn't seem real.

Yet, it was real, and it did happen.

It was the start of my real life.

After a night out on the town where he well and truly wined and dined me, he walked me home to my tiny flat which must have looked ridiculous compared to the mansion that I now know he lived in with the rest of the band at the time, and he finally kissed me. As his lips met mine, I felt myself flying on top of the world—he was an amazing kisser, and there seemed to be an endless chemistry between us. One that I never wanted to end.

Breathless and turned on by the power of his mouth, I invited him inside. Although he coolly and calmly turned me down, it was still the best night of my entire life, made even better by a phone call the next day to say that he only didn't come inside with me because he wanted to be something real. He didn't want our love to end at a one-night stand, he actually wanted us to develop and for him to become my boyfriend.

Fast forward three and a half years and we were blissfully living together, grazing by every day happily and easily. Although he was away for a lot of the year touring, it didn't seem to bother us. We were so strong and so solid with what we had, that nothing would get in our way.

It was perfect, still a dream come true and that intense chemistry hadn't burned down one bit.

Which made it even weirder that my reaction to Cici telling me that Baz—another member of the band—had just told her that he'd been engagement ring shopping with Danny, wasn't one of pure joy.

"What...what do you mean?" I asked, my heart racing frantically in my chest. I could tell that my voice was breathless and kind of terrified, but my mind was spinning too fast for me to be able to do anything about it.

"Aren't you happy?" She giggled, "I thought that you'd be over the moon to finally be Mrs. Boreom."

"No, no, I am," I half lied. The idea had always been at the edge of my thoughts. I knew that Danny was the one for me, and despite all the car crash relationships around us, we'd even managed to survive the fallout of him becoming mega famous. It helped that I had no interest in the spotlight and that I did everything I could to avoid it, but even despite all of that, I felt like it proved that we could go the distance, and be together forever. So why wasn't I excited for us to take the next step? "It's just a bit of a shock, that's all."

But that was normal, right? Everyone freaked out at first when they learned that they were going to become someone's wife...didn't they?

Of course, I already knew that wasn't true. I'd already been proposed to once in my life before, and that time, I didn't hesitate one bit. Panic didn't even come into the equation, I was happy, over the moon at the thought of becoming his wife. This was nothing like that had been. I felt completely different.

For the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to think about Joe again, and almost the second that I allowed that vault to open in my mind, I felt myself fall into a tailspin. As his face filled my brain once more, it was almost as if the last five years hadn't happened at all, and that I was still his proud girlfriend, waiting to be his wife.

As the wound reopened, I could barely hear what Cici was saying to me. I felt like I was gaping, exposed, and extremely vulnerable all over again, and I did what I'd always done when I was younger, when things got too difficult for me. I started to talk to Joe in my mind.

Where are you now?

What became of you?

What happened to your life?

It was so strange to have gone from the closest people in the world, to absolutely nothing, and I struggled to imagine that he'd changed one bit. Of course I had, my life was completely different, but I couldn't think of Joe without viewing him as the other half of me. The boy that I'd adored, and the one that I never thought would leave my side.

"I...I've got to go," I finally announced to my friend. "I'll speak to you later, okay?" And then I hung up the phone, without even waiting for her to answer. I knew that I was being rude, acting more than a little strange, but I needed some time. I needed to be alone with my thoughts to try and process all of this.

So quite how I found myself sitting at my computer with my fingers running along the keys, I wasn't quite sure.

Don't press anything, I willed myself. As soon as you do, everything will change.

Since we had gone our separate ways, I hadn't contacted Joe once, and with the uprising of social media I hadn't looked him up either. I just couldn't face it. He was like an imaginary fantasy in my mind now, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to ruin that with reality. What if he was married now? Or into drugs or something? His life could have gone in any direction, and I wasn't sure that I really wanted to find out which one.

Plus, my life really was amazing now. Why would I want to even consider risking that? I had a gorgeous, passionate man who actually wanted to be with me forever, even though he was about ten leagues above me, I had a teaching job that I loved, and friends that would do anything for me. That was a hell of a lot more than most people had!

In the end I forced myself to stand up and to move away from the computer screen before it lured me in. I couldn't do it; I just wasn't willing to take that step into the unknown. It terrified me far too much. But as I wandered aimlessly from room to room, I realised that I couldn't just do nothing either. I needed to calm this beast within me, which meant delving into my past whether I liked it or not.

I stood at the bottom of the attic ladder, wondering what awaited me up there. When me and Danny decided to buy a place together—well, he put the most money in of course, but we still classed it as 'ours'—I shoved everything related to my old life away, not wanting to even consider it. But it was always a comfort, knowing that it was there, knowing that I could access it at any moment if I really wanted to.

And I could feel myself finally taking that step.

I creaked up the ladder, feeling my heart thump and my palms sweat with nerves. This was a mistake, I knew it was, but at the same time I couldn't stop.

There would be no way for me to get married without taking this step anyway. Right now, things were comfortable, but if I was ever going to have a future with Danny, I needed to consult my past first. At least, that was my excuse and I was sticking to it.

Danny knew about Joe anyway. Well, he'd been told some of it, the very basics, so I supposed that I was probably going to have to confess all before we finally took the plunge. With that thought in mind, I tore open the first box I stumbled across, and I ended up looking at the few photographs that I had of me and Joe when we were very young, when we very first met...