In honor of being a part of this year’s Winter of Zombie blog tour here is a set of short stories written exclusively for the visitors to the tour. These were started back during the Summer of Zombie tour. They’re from the perspective of one Tony the Zombie and his personal gripes against us humans. Typed out by Greg P. Ferrell because really, have you ever seen a zombie use a keyboard? It’s not pretty.
A day in my dead life!
By: Tony the zombie
Translated by: Greg P. Ferrell
Hello living morsels, it is I, Tony the zombie, and I am back to talk to you about the things that really eat me up when I’m trying to eat you up. I spent most of the last few months, since I last talked to you, trapped inside one of those big boxes you like to hide in from us. After many failed attempts of running into the walls, I finally found a clear hole with an invisible shield over it and broke through it. Please excuse my ripped and torn clothing. It got messed up as I went through the hole, falling back out into the outside world. So here we go.
Number 5 on my things that annoy me list is you health nuts. Even if I could remember what I looked like or did back when I was alive, I’m pretty sure I didn’t sport a great physical appearance. Judging by my current situation, I was obviously not the best long distance runner or one of my new family wouldn’t have caught me and converted me to this new awesome life. So my gripe with you overly healthy people is this. WHY?
For multiple reasons, I don’t understand the desire to keep yourself so trim and fit. Oh sure it gives you an advantage to staying alive a little while longer but really, let’s be honest, you’re going to lose in the end and you’ll just die tired and hungry. Plus your meat is so stringy and dry. I caught one of you the other day and after a few bites I was not digging the taste but I continued on anyway because well that’s what we do. Now one of those fatties is a whole other story when it comes to taste. The fat marbling really adds a new dimension to the pleasure of a freshly caught meal. Especially with the ones we like to call free range whom have been wandering around trying to avoid us for a while. The fat on those is usually a little less thick in some areas but still provides a tasty meal when caught with a lot less chewing required. Man I’m getting hungry again just thinking about one of those.
Anyway back to you healthy ones. My advise to you is slow down, eat something and let nature take it’s course. Me or one of my kind will be along shortly to bring you into a new way of life, or death as you look at it.
Well that’s it for today while I go and inspect this big hole in the ground with those pointy sticks in the bottom. Next time I will talk about those surprise traps you people keep laying out for us. Till next time this is Tony the zombie and remember AAARRRGG! is not just our motto but our way of life too!
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The stench of frozen flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Winter of Zombie Blog Tour 2015, with 40+ of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of November.
Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser…and pick up some great swag as well!
Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them!